found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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