Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
