i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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