Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
