I am full of burrito and curiosity
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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