We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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