y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
