My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
