Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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