Cold hands, warm shart.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
