The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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