the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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