I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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