There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
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JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize