I wish my penis had an off switch
Who wears a wallet chain?!
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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