I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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