The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
