3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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