A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
