you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
