new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
