I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
