fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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