Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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