Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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