um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
