you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
