Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
