I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
COCAINE IS GR8
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
