Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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