so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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