my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
