she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
