IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
