He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize