woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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