its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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