i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
