I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's blow job season.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
