I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
