Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
