I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
