Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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