you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
