Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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