Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize