smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
