I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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