Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
