Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
its liver damage thursday
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
