i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just had sex on a roof
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
