His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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