when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
