Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
