Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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