Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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