drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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