Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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