WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
