and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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