Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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