(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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