My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I pooped in a mop bucket.
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree