last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.