U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.