she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.