I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.