I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...