I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.