I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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