he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Randomize
