i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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