I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
