moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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