First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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