thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
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the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
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He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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