these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
