she looked like the bat from fern gully.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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