All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
